First, with all respect, I hope the spelling and grammar in your sales letter is better than it is in your post. As you know, sloppiness is an immediate turn-off.
Now,about your letter.[list][*]Have you identified the business owners "pain" so that he/she relates?[*]Have you explained the benefits of working with you?[*]Is there an offer?[*]Is there a promise, or a guarantee?[*]How about proof (testimonials)?
- Do you ask for an appointment?
Use the AIDA formula. Your letter should provoke Attention, Interest, Desire and Action.
Another approach: State the Problem
from the owner's perspective, provide a Solution
, make an Offer
I recommend that you pick up a copy of Dan Kennedy's book, The Ultimate Sales Letter